Friend & Foe

Description

What does it take to succeed? This question has fueled a long-running debate. Some have argued that humans are fundamentally competitive, and that pursuing self-interest is the best way to get ahead. Others claim that humans are born to cooperate and that we are most successful when we collaborate with others.

In FRIEND AND FOE, researchers Galinsky and Schweitzer explain why this debate misses the mark. Rather than being hardwired to compete or cooperate, we have evolved to do both. In every relationship, from co-workers to friends to spouses to siblings we are both friends and foes. It is only by learning how to strike the right balance between these two forces that we can improve our long-term relationships and get more of what we want.

Here, Galinsky and Schweitzer draw on original, cutting edge research from their own labs and from across the social sciences as well as vivid real-world examples to show how to maximize success in work and in life by deftly navigating the tension between cooperation and competition. They offer insights and advice ranging from: how to gain power and keep it, how to build trust and repair trust once it’s broken, how to diffuse workplace conflict and bias, how to find the right comparisons to motivate us and make us happier, and how to succeed in negotiations – ensuring that we achieve our own goals and satisfy those of our counterparts.

Along the way, they pose and offer surprising answers to a number of perplexing puzzles: when does too much talent undermine success; why can acting less competently gain you status and authority, where do many gender differences in the workplace really come from, how can you use deception to build trust, and why do you want to go last on American Idol and in many interview situations, but make the first offer when negotiating the sale of a new car.

We perform at our very best when we hold cooperation and competition in the right balance. This book is a guide for navigating our social and professional worlds by learning when to cooperate as a friend and when to compete as a foe—and how to be better at both.“The fresh practical insights of ‘Friend & Foe’ underscore the potential benefits of disseminating research results beyond the ivory tower… the authors perform a significant public service by pulling back the self-imposed veil that academics drape over their most socially relevant research.” New York Times
 
“Their approach yields fascinating and often counter-intuitive examples…The book aims high and largely fulfils its promise of handing the reader tools to be a better friend and a more formidable foe.…if you cannot shift between competition and co-operation according to the situation, you are doomed to lose out.” Financial Times
 
“But is there a little bit of Mr Trump in all powerful people? This question kept occurring to your columnist while reading a new book, ‘Friend and Foe’, by Adam Galinsky and Maurice Schweitzer. The two academics are among the pioneers of a technique called ‘power priming’, that helps people feel more masterful. They find that, once primed for power, even the most reticent people experience significant changes in their behaviour.” The Economist
 
“[One of the new] Books That—Really!—Help”- Oprah.Com
 
“Friend & Foe shows how leaders can build high-trust environments without relinquishing the power vested in them…Galinsky and Schweitzer share several applicable examples of how leaders can do this in small, useful ways.” INC
 
“Combining their original research with existing social and psychological studies, the authors cover a broad spectrum of situations, including how to earn trust, how to recognize deception (and why cuckoo birds are masters of the art), how to get your way by seeing it “their” way, and more. By incorporating colorful anecdotes to illustrate their points, the authors of Friend and Foe make the science easier to follow. And the occasional bullet points and short chapter summaries help clarify the advice”. Success Magazine
 
“Full of tips and useful advice, this title will appeal to a broad audience as well as to avid readers of business how-to.” Library Journal Review
 
“The book will make all CEOs and employees rethink their relationships.” Biz Ed Magazine

“Friend and Foe is one of the best works of popular social science I’ve read in a long time. This book is packed with so many deep insights and shrewd takeaways, I grew exhausted from taking notes!” – Daniel Pink, bestselling author of Drive and To Sell Is Human
 
“If I weren’t already a social scientist, reading this book would make me want to become one. Friend & Foe is an engrossing page-turner on how our thoughts and behaviors are driven by the tension between cooperation and competition.” – Amy Cuddy, author of Presence
 
“Friend and Foe is a fascinating voyage through the science of cooperation and competition. Discover why we compare ourselves to our Facebook friends, many gender differences are really due to power differences, and it’s usually best to make the first offer in a negotiation.”
– Adam Grant, New York Times bestselling author of Give and Take
 
“A treasure trove of golden nuggets of information and gem-like insights into the processes that govern social exchange.  We all have to cooperate and compete to succeed.  Friend and Foe provides the best roadmap I’ve ever seen for doing so—by a mile.” - Robert B. Cialdini, bestselling Author of INFLUENCE
 
“Galinsky and Schweitzer are star researchers and teachers.  Here they use their talents to bring order to the often contradictory research on when to cooperate and compete, and they distill their insights into practical tips that anybody can use.”
-Chip Heath, co-author of Made to Stick and Switch.  

“Two of the most respected scholars on success explain how you can get along and get ahead. Their guided tour of how to cooperate and how to compete is authoritative, entertaining, and eminently practical!” –Angela Duckworth, University of Pennsylvania 

“A fascinating read, and an eye-opening look at how we navigate an increasingly complex social world. Meticulously researched, filled with compelling real world anecdotes, Friend And Foe is a unique and vastly entertaining roadmap to improving relationships and resolving conflicts- at work, at home, and in life.” –  Ben Mezrich, NY times bestselling author of The Accidental Billionaires and Once Upon A Time in Russia
 
“A terrific book—full of fascinating and gee-whizzy studies and insights, with genuinely useful lessons for readers. It combines the best elements of a Malcolm Gladwell or Freakonomics book with the usefulness of smarter/better business books.” - Scott Stossel, Editor of the Atlantic Magazine and author of My Age of Anxiety 

“Whether it’s a boardroom negotiation or a breakfast table squabble, should we fight fiercely to get our way or compromise to keep the peace? Filled with captivating stories and cutting-edge science, Friend & Foe delivers an entertaining and practical guide that details why this is a false dichotomy. Galinsky and Schweitzer offer innovative solutions for managing the myriad conflicts that populate our daily lives.” - Linda Babcock, Author of Women Don’t Ask

“Should you be cooperative or competitive?  Powerful or submissive? Hierarchical or flat? Honest or dishonest?  As Galinsky and Schweitzer show in this impressive book, the answer to each of these questions is yes!  They use a wide range of research studies coupled with dozens and dozens of colorful real-life examples to show us that simple answers to complicated questions are not to be trusted and that the secret to success is balance. This book will make you a better colleague, a better negotiator and a better person.” - Barry Schwartz, author of The Paradox of Choice and Practical WisdomAdam Galinsky is the Vikram S. Pandit Professor of Business and Chair of the Management Division at the Columbia Business School at Columbia University. He received his Ph.D. from Princeton University. Maurice Schweitzer is the Cecilia Yen Koo Professor at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania. He received his Ph.D. from the Wharton School.

Combined, Galinsky and Schweitzer have published over 250 scientific articles and chapters in the fields of management, psychology, and economics. Their work has been cited in The Economist, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Financial Times, The New Yorker, National Public Radio, and more.
TABLE OF CONTENTS

1.       It’s All Relative
·         Why Expecting Fathers Gain Weight
·         Monkeys and the Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Social Comparisons
·         Why Twins Reared Apart Can Be More Similar than Twins Reared Together
·         Doing Better and Feeling Worse: The Benefits of Graduating in a Recession
·         Sputnik Moments and Halftime Scores: Behind By a Little, But Not for Long
·         When Comparisons Go Wild
·         Finding the Right Balance: How to Make Comparisons Work for Us
 
2.       It’s Good to Be the King . . . Until it Isn’t
·         It’s All in Your Head
·         Speeding Down the Highway with Samson’s Hair Blowing in the Wind
·         How to Nail a Job Interview and Become the Boss
·         Powerholics: Invincibility and Invisibility
·         The Powerful Think They Are the Only Ones on the Highway
·         The King’s Downfall
·         Finding the Right Balance: How to Speed Without Crashing
 
3.       When Hierarchy Wins . . . And When it Loses
·         The Rise of Hierarchy
·         Why You Want to Play a Game with Your Boss Rather Than Your Best Friend
·         When There Is Too Much Talent: Pecking Chickens and Squabbling Basketball Players
·         When Hierarchy Hurts
·         Finding the Right Balance: How Psychological Safety Helps Hierarchies Win Without Killing
 
4.       It’s Good to be the Queen . . . But It’s Easier Being the King
·         Men Aren’t from Mars and Women Aren’t from Venus
·         Salaries and Sex
·         The Double Bind
·         Queen Bees: When Women Exclude Women
·         Finding the Right Balance: It Takes a Village to Lean in Without Getting Pushed Back
o   The Organization
o   Making Ourselves Blind to Undo the Double Bind
o   Lawyers, Mama Bears, and the Power of Advocating for “Us”
 
5.       How Names Can Bond and Bully
·         Names as Cooperative Glue
·         Why PhDs Want to Be Called Doctors
·         Banning the Word Bossy and Why Phillip Morris Became Altria
·         Reappropriation: Turning Your Weakness into Your Strength
·         Finding the Right Balance: Start Making Sense
 
6.       How to Get Others to Put Their Trust in You
·         Smile and Get a Dog
·         I’m Sorry for the Rain
·         When It Pays to Drive Rather Than Fly
·         “They Did What They Had to Do”
·         When to Spill Your Coffee: The Hidden Strength in Vulnerability
·         Why Happy Families Produce Terrorists
·         Finding the Right Balance: Reputations and Relationships
 
7.       When and How to Raise Your Guard
·         Deceptive Cuckoo Birds and Misleading Dating Profiles
·         Why Cheating is Like Chocolate Cake
·         When Deception Builds Cooperation
·         Going up 96 Percent of the Time, Captain Mbote, and $57 Million in Cash
·         Putting it All Together: Spotting Red Flags
o   Red Flag #1: Inappropriate Behavior
o   Red Flag #2: Running for the Exit
o   Red Flag #3: Overcompensating
o   Red Flag #4: Mismatch Between Words and Body Language
·         Finding the Right Balance: Trust but Verify
 
8.       Putting the Pieces Back Together
·         Why Arthur Andersen and Eliot Spitzer Never Recovered but Martha Stewart Came Back
·         It’s the Apology, Stupid
·         Why a Faulty Phone Antenna Elicited More Outrage than a Plane Crash
·         The Apology Formula: The Key Ingredients of Successful Apologies
·         Finding the Right Balance: Be Prepared to Say You’re Sorry
 
9.       Seeing it Their Way to Get Your Way
·         Getting Inside Their Head to Get a Better Deal
·         The Art of the Mimic
·         Leaping Without Looking
·         How Asking for Advice Can Free You from Debt
·         Amplified Sounds and Soothing Jangled Nerves
·         How to Avoid Being a Racist
·         Finding the Right Balance: How to Make Sure Glue Doesn’t Become Gasoline
 
10.   When to Start Your Engines
·         From Political Ballots to Parole Hearings: When It’s Good to Be First
·         From Professors to American Idol Contestants: When It’s Better to Be Last
o   Finding the Right Balance: When to Go First, When to Go Last, and How to Make It Fair
·         Should You Make the First Offer?
o   Finding the Right Balance: Resolve the First-Offer Dilemma by Making a First Offer Later
·         How to Put Your Offer on the Table
·         Precision Matters
o   Finding the Right Balance: How to Make Ambitious First Offers but Appear Cooperative
 
11.   How to Cross the Finish Line
·         Endings Matter More than You Think
·         Be Careful When You Smile
·         CommencementUS

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